Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
