oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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