I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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