you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
