I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
