Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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