i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
