We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
What a dumb baby whore.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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