i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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