today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
