Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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