Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
