Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
