Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
