I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
