Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
