just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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