so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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