In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I skipped work to stalk him.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
