I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
