People in love make me want to vomit
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Randomize
