I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
