Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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