my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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