At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
