I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
