I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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