Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
