i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
