I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
