Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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