if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
