I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
