Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
this just has baby written all over it
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
