do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
