She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
