the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
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His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
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Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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