it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
