hell yes lets make some ravioli
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
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