peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I supernannyed him into submission
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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