I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Randomize