Christians are straight up FREAKS
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
