he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
