did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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