Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
