Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
