I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
