there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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