I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
