I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
