Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
