college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
