You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
