He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
