I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
