My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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