We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
