The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize