The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
