Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
