Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize