if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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