you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I had to cum in my sink.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
